Waiting for Mass Tomorrow Morning

Sometimes late at night, I feel really strange, I search for that feeling that God is near and sometimes I make that connection and sometimes I don't. I wonder what the difference is in me. I know it's my problem because I trust that God never changes. I trust that God is the same each and every day. I'm not what you would call a genius and I never really expect that I would be able to debate my faith with a cunning orator, but no matter how clever the opponent, they really can't make me believe God is not real. I often wonder what it must be like to be someone who really can't feel God in the Universe. It must be terribly lonely. Maybe not in the middle of the day when the hustle and bustle of life doesn't give you a change to wonder about things eternal, but in the still of the night when no one is around to keep you mind off of eternity, or what happens when you die. I have confidence that when I die, God will pull me up from the grave and place me with him and all saints that have gone before. My only concern is will my works be enough, sure I have faith and some works, but my life hasn't been the bastion of goodness a Christian would be able to look back on and be humbly sure of his heart condition for all his life. I am one who must depend on God's mercy to help me find my way into heaven when I die. As my life isn't quite over I hope to have other works that proves my love and devotion for the creator of the universe. the people I really feel sorry for is those who do not claim to feel God's presence in the world. Are there people who really feel .....nothing? Are there those who are devoid of any sense for the creator of the universe? Are there those who are like animals, with no souls to feel fear for? No eternity to wonder what will happen? Dieing day  for these people must hold an extreme fear. Nothing to live for, nothing to die for, and no Savior to look to to fill the void in man's soul that makes it all worthwhile. I've heard it said that suicide is senseless and people should not indulge in relieving themselves of the life given by God, but if you feel no presence of God, what difference would a few days, months or years matter? When you don't feel God's presence, there is no sense to living life. Tomorrow I will go to Mass and confess my sins and get real with my communication with God, and God will again fill me with the hope of salvation and the peace given to those who know a higher power has things in charge. We need not fear for the future, nor fear that it means nothing because our God is with us and is in control. There no power given to man that has not been granted by God. So relax in God's peace and find the stillness in the night that God spends time with you. I am renewed by his closeness and look forward to what tomorrow brings, even if it is my death, because for me, being absent from the body means I present with the Lord!